Category: Surrendering

Be The Light

1/9/2015

I took this photo a few months ago, uncertain what I would do with it, but just loving the way it turned out.

This little angel sits on my altar in my bedroom, surrounded by tea-light candles and other things that I love, like my dog's first collar, a picture of me and my sweetheart, crystals that I received in magical ways, and other mementos.

I found this quote as I was reading through one of my favorite meditation books, Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy by Sarah Ban Breathnach.

Everything in this book seems to be exactly the thing I need to read whenever I pick it up, sometimes in full melt-down mode, and other times, seeking guidance and inspiration.

This quote so completely sums up some of the lessons I've been struggling with this past year, and was the perfect one to accompany my photo.

Meditate for yourself what this means for you in your life. But for me, it simply means sometimes I'm the leader and creator, and sometimes I'm the student, but either way, its exactly where I'm supposed to be at that point in time. Simply accept where you are at this moment, but know we are both mirror and light for those around us.

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How Do You Like Your Eggs?

2/11/2014

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I like my eggs scrambled with cottage cheese and served with toast, or scrambled with spinach and wrapped up in a corn tortilla with hot sauce.

My boyfriend likes his eggs mixed up with milk, and then fried flat, like a pancake, until the edges turn brown and crispy.

Have you ever stopped to examine the little things you do in your life, like the food you prepare and eat, the clothing or accessories you wear, how you decorate your house, or why you use Comet to clean your sink instead of Soft Scrub?

Are all these little pieces of our lives really our own, or did we pick them up unconsciously from our parents, friends, lovers, the media? Really stop and think about it for a minute. Let's start with eggs. How do you like your eggs? Do you really like them that way, or do you just eat them that way because that's how you've always done it, or that's how your lover or kids like them?

This simple little exercise can tell you a lot about yourself. Do you really know yourself from the inside? Or are you mirroring someone else's preferences and just unconsciously adapted them as your own?

I just watched the Julia Roberts movie Runaway Bride. The story is about a woman who has found herself walking down the isle towards marriage with three very different men, and with each partner, she's adjusted her life to fit theirs, including the music she listens to and the way she eats her eggs. But just before she reaches the alter, she bolts from her own wedding, running for her life, some deep instinct waking up in her at the last minute. She finally hears her authentic voice as she runs for the hills.

Choosing to live authentically by my own light has been a journey of epic proportions. Starting back in 2009 when I filed for bankruptcy, it was the first step in clearing out all the garbage I'd accumulated mentally and emotionally, not to mention physically.

Painful, upsetting, unbalancing, declaring bankruptcy ripped away all thought I knew about myself. It was the tsunami of clearing and letting go, taking me to my knees in surrender. I no longer knew who I was or where I was going, what my truth was. For so long I had lived by other peoples' light, by their ideas of who I was and what I was supposed to do and be and say and act. And I was great at it. I played the part so perfectly I no longer could see I had lost my way and stopped following my heart. I had lost all sense of my authentic self. I had to clear it all away before I could start bringing the pieces of my life back together again.

It's like when one suspects one is allergic to something, but you don't know what. You have to clear all suspected allergens from your life and one by one, reintroduce them to see what is triggering the allergic reaction.

Being this conscious of how your body reacts is the most important part of healing and recovering your authentic voice. You must pay attention to every little nuance and ask yourself whether it feels good or not!!

Because of this conscious awareness, when you reintroduce something that doesn't feel good, you can choose to no longer eat that food or engage in that behavior,and so through this process navigate through all the programming from childhood. You begin to recognize you've been doing an activity because it makes someone else happy, keeps the peace, or avoids conflict.

It feels much more fun and playful to live by your authentic light. So what if I'm a punk rocker who likes to listen to Windham Hill new age music? That is part of me but I covered it up because it was met with judgement by the circles of people I was trying to fit in with.

As I approach my 50th birthday, I truly desire to live life by my own light; enjoying the experiences that touch my soul and enhance my life. I practice speaking my truth now with kindness and love directed towards myself, so I feel safe when what I want doesn't mesh with someone else's agenda.

Trust me, everyone has an agenda. We're human, and we're going to get our needs met one way or the other. The path to happiness is to become aware of that fact, and then act accordingly. Do your wants, needs, and likes get the same attention as you give to your loved ones? If not, speak up!

If it doesn't feel safe to speak your truth and shine your own light, maybe that's the answer to your prayers. Maybe that's how you're being guided to change the circumstances; to leave that job, talk honestly with your partner, boss or family, or take the risk of following your heart and studying literature instead of science. Become clear about who you are and what you like and life will open up. I guarantee it! After all, I am living proof!

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Surrender and Acceptance

1/24/2014

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These last couple of months have been very difficult for me. All the rushing around and effort I expended led me to stop my self care routine of meditation, healing, getting plenty of rest and balancing my work with play. In the end, my body was so run down and depleted, I got sick. It's taken me almost two months to move through this growth period and get back to a more balanced place of health and wellness.

Through this process, I struggled with accepting where I was so I could heal, vs. forcing my self to get to where I wanted to be. And finally, this morning, I surrendered. By surrendering and accepting one's circumstances, it immediately brings one right into present time, back from the regrets of the past and the what ifs of the future.

Only by acknowledging what is is one able to change. I'm self employed, and the worry about money and paying my bills is constant. But I chose
this! It didn't just happen to me. This uncertainty is part of my daily scenery. So I surrendered and accepted. This is where I am at right now. I only have so much energy to spend each day creating opportunities to bring financial flow into my life. I can only do a certain number of tasks today. And that's ok. Tomorrow always brings more opportunities.

Surrender and acceptance go hand in hand. The act of surrendering has always gotten a bad rap. People think it's giving up, but it's not! Until you surrender to what is, you can never accept it! And if you don't accept it, you can't change it. You will always be in resistance to what you don't accept. And resistance sets up the energetic equivalent of a police barricade: Nothing Can Cross This Line! Which means you are blocking out the assistance of the Universe, your angels and any other divine force from helping you shift your life for the better.Resistance comes from a place of fear, of not knowing.

Fear is irrational, but it stops you dead in your tracks. Like a frightened horse that refuses to move forward, that fear is irrational, but it feels very real.

I recently watched this amazing documentary Wild Horse, Wild Ride about rounding up wild mustangs and gentling them down to make them ready for adoption. One of the trainers put a blindfold over the horse's eyes to help create trust. That horse had no choice but to trust the trainer to lead him forward safely. Only when that horse surrendered, accepted his circumstances and opened his heart to trusting the trainer was he able to move forward. He was led over a bridge, and down a slight incline by that trainer, and little by little that horse began to trust the trainer and have faith that he would be safe. He surrendered, accepted and opened his heart up to what is and could then move forward.

It was a beautiful thing to see, and such a reflection of where I am right now. Surrender the fear and resistance. Accept my present circumstances; this is what is right now. And then trust that when the time is right, a window will open, a pathway will clear, leading me forward, safely, to what is coming next.

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Author

I write because I have to. I write because something inside is pushing to get out, and the only way I can clear it is to write about it.

Often these things are lessons that Spirit is trying to get me to pay attention to, answers to my prayers for help, clarity or guidance.

If you're finding my blog, it's probably because you're working on the same lessons! Enjoy, and thank you for reading and sharing my blog with others who may find my writings helpful.
Many blessings,
xo Rev. Michelle

All photographs are taken by Michelle Haunold and are copyright protected © unless otherwise noted. Thank you!

Be The Light

How Do You Like Your Eggs?

Surrender and Acceptance

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