There are days I wake up and I wonder what the point is. I've been on the spiritual path for years, and sometimes I feel I've made great strides in changing my life for the better.

Other times, like today, it feels all so familiar. I've been here before, struggling with the same issues, the same problems and insecurities, repeating the same process over and over and over again. Praying to God and my angels and guides for help, direction, guidance I can easily understand, but which somehow continues to elude me.

Money, weight, relationships, finding my authentic voice...these themes repeat over and over and over again. There are times I can see how far I've come. And then there are days where it feels like nothing has changed; I'm back at square one, struggling all over again as if it was the first time.

We recently learned of the suicide of actor/comedian Robin Williams at age 63. He hung himself, choosing to end his life to get out of the pain and struggle he had been in for much of his life. Despite all his worldly success as a famous Hollywood actor, lots of money, a nice house, a loving wife and kids, and millions of fans around the world, this is a man who struggled with pain and demons none of us can really understand.

In spite of all the outwards signs of a great life, he chose to exit this plane of existence. I don't know if it was in his life plan that this was how things would end. We all make a plan before we take a body on the lessons we want to work in this lifetime, and how we will leave the body when the lessons have been completed.

But we're also give "exit points" along the way, so if things go terribly wrong or we get so far off our path we have to just stop and start over again, we can make that choice. I don't know if this was one of Robin's exit point opportunities and he chose to take it, leaving the body behind so he could go back to heaven to meet with his team of guides and come up with a new plan to work his lessons, or if this was how it was all meant to end, and he did in fact work through his lessons and it was time to move on.

Maybe this was the plan he created as spirit before taking a body, to experience suicide and work that lesson of loss and survival. Maybe it was ultimately his life purpose to raise awareness of the issue of depression and suicide and how much it impacts us.

Or maybe he was done taking bodies, working his lessons here on the dense physical matter of earth, and he's graduated now to to the next higher plane where he will continue working as spirit, guiding those of us still left on earth working our own lessons. Only Robin, his guides and his Creator know for sure.

All I know for myself is I must keep going. I still have a lot left to learn and experience. I still haven't worked through my lessons. And days like today show me this. So I pray for help, I take a deep breath, and I greet the day, knowing this is part of my journey to experience doubt and frustration.

It's Fourth of July, also known as Independence Day here in America. What does this mean? You hear it bandied about in all sorts of contexts, but have you ever really thought about what it means for you, personally?

I've been thinking about it a lot lately, primarily because I've been going through some massive changes in my personal and professional life, and much of it revolves around my sense of personal freedom and my right to chose for myself what the best course of action is. It really boils down to a simple, yet complex subject: Free Will.

Thirteen years ago, July 1, 2000, almost to the date today, I bought my first house. It was a cute little townhouse style condo, surrounded by towering pines and redwood trees, and wonderful kind neighbors. I had just come through a painful divorce, and was just starting my record company, Gearhead Records, and it seemed the beginning of a great new life. Everything good was opening up before me and I felt strong and powerful and so ready to experience a state of stability and creativity.

Unfortunately, that brief period of calm and excitement gave way to a turbulent painful time that would not end until yesterday, July 3 2013, when I signed the papers selling my house.

It has been a mixed period of relief, sadness, and introspection as I reviewed the last thirteen years in my mind, taking a slow final walk through my little house, trying to make sense of the sometimes incredibly painful lessons and experiences I'd endured since first claiming ownership all those years ago: the meteoric success of my record company with the record release by a band called The Hives; the expansion of my business into a full service line of clothing and accessories; the extensive music catalog created, leading to almost eighty titles; the bitter breakup and dissolution of my business partnership; the opening of my retail store and the rebuilding of my business; meeting my current romantic partner; the terrifying downward spiral of financial ruin and eventual personal bankruptcy; the subsequent years of healing and clearing and reorganizing, and now finally, saying goodbye to the last episode in the story, selling my house and clearing out all remaining debts, while starting once again to rebuild my business.

Through all this, I've had the free will to chose the paths I've taken and the experiences and people I've brought into my life. Many times they were clearly the wrong choices, but at the time seemed like the best course of action based on the information I had at hand. I always had the freedom, the choice, to say "No Thank You" and to walk away, but I didn't, instead choosing to see the decision through to the end.

The one thing I never realized before recently was that I didn't have to make these decisions alone. I always had access to prayer and spiritual guidance, and I always could have requested help from the Universe to choose the course of action that would serve my highest good.

It just never occurred to me that I could ask for Divine Assistance in shaping the course of my life and my experiences, although often through the sense of intuition (or clairsentience as it is also called) I would get little "gut feelings" about what direction I should go. As humans, we have free will to choose our experiences and live our lives as we see fit, and our angels, spirit guides, or God himself cannot intervene without our permission unless it is life-threatening and not our time to cross over.

But we ALWAYS have the right to ask for help, and must do so to open the door for Divine Assistance to guide us towards the best possible outcome. However, once we get that guidance, we have the choice,  and the freedom, to say yes or no, and take action as we see fit. But before we get help, we must ask for it.

Holy moly, if I knew then what I know now, my life would have taken an entirely different trajectory, but I must have needed to learn certain lessons, which is why only now, after going through so much pain, I'm ready to open the door on my next series of choices with a lot more knowledge and certainty in my tool kit!

I know for instance that I make very rash decisions, and that knowing this about myself, before I choose what my next step is, I must step back, get quiet and go within, seeking guidance from God or The Universe or whatever you want to call "The All" energy that surrounds all living creatures. I have learned to wait until I know all my ego is removed from the decision-making process, and that I am taking the next course of action based on the clear knowledge that it will serve the highest good.

It's easier said than done, I know, trust me! I struggle with this every day. But the lessons these last thirteen years have taught me are that I'm not patient, and I don't ever learn things the easy way, and that often I'm functioning from the reactive state of a petulant child, rather than the proactive state of wisdom and knowledge. I have the freedom to choose to be proactive instead of reactive, weighing the pros and cons and possible ramifications from my decisions before I make them.

Martina McBride sings a song called Independence Day that has always resonated very strongly with me, because the lyrics dance around the pain of domestic violence, which I myself have experienced, and the call to personal freedom, free will and choices, which I'm constantly faced with:

Let Freedom Ring Let The White Dove Sing
Let The Whole World Know That Today Is A Day Of Reckoning
Let The Weak Be Strong Let The Right Be Wrong
Roll The Stone Away Let The Guilty Pay It's Independence Day
                              -Martina McBride

On this day of Independence, I choose to celebrate my right to choose the best course of action for myself, using prayer, meditation and accessing Divine Guidance and my higher self to take the best path, knowing if I move forward in this way, ultimately, it will benefit all I come in contact with. Isn't that what freedom is?

"If I just try a little harder, I can fix this situation for everyone!" How often have you thought this? How often has this worked out for you? How often has this belief sent you spiraling down a course of action that gets further and further out of your control and ability to "fix" it?

I got yet another chance to say hello to my tendency to be an "out of control" healer when a gentleman in the beginning stages of Alzheimer's fell into my lap recently.

Through a series of complicated events, he wound up in Sacramento with no family and no place to stay, so he came to stay with us for a while.

At first it seemed easy enough; I cooked for him, made sure he took his medicine and provided a stable situation for him to live in. He kept talking about leaving, about wanting to go live on his own, but I knew it wasn't safe for him. So I kept trying different avenues to find him someplace "safe" to go. And as is the case with Alzheimer's a relatively benign situation went from zero to sixty crazy-out-of-control in seconds flat. I ended up having to call the police when I finally realized what I thought I had "under control" was clearly not!

I've been around the block a few times with these sorts of experiences, and should have recognized the warning signs when they're waving in my face, like a big red cape being flapped in front of a charging bull, but I didn't. Or I chose not to, thinking maybe this time it would all work out ok. This time, I could handle it.

What are the warning signs of being "an out of control" healer? When you find yourself spending time, energy, money, or emotion on trying to make something "better" or "o.k." for someone else. When things keep getting worse, and doors keep shutting, and yet you keep going, searching and searching for some other solution to a "problem" that isn't yours to solve in the first place. When the people who really should care and be involved aren't. And lastly, when the person you're trying to "help" clearly doesn't want your help, despite how bad the situation appears.

Having been involved with alcoholics and addicts for much of my life, I've developed the tendency towards co-dependency. We hear this term a lot, but do you know what it means? Here's Wikiepedia's definition:

"The dependence on the needs of, or control of, another.[1] It also often involves placing a lower priority on one's own needs, while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others. A tendency to behave in an overly passive or excessively caretaking ways that negatively impact one's own life."

Does this sound familiar to you? It describes me to a "t"! And the most remarkable thing I've discovered is when you find yourself in this situation, it's never about the other person; it's always about you! Where are your needs not being met? We tend to do for others what we wish would be done for ourselves; get some help, some guidance, a hug, or just permission to turn it over to a higher source for healing and transmutation and let go for a while.

The axiom "healer heal thyself" is so true. Often we become healers or caretakers of others when we most need to focus on our own health and wellness. It's a signal to step back, go within, and ask your higher self "what do I need help with today?" And then give yourself permission to notice what comes up and take action, or better yet, just receive it when the help shows up!

I realized I have been "doing" for everyone around me, and ignoring my own inner need to rest, take it easy, back off from all my activities and commitments, and just give myself a much needed "time out". But again, as out of control healers, it seems selfish to ignore the needs of others, the pain or desperation or poverty or depression or illness, or whatever it is that is pulling at you. "They need me!! I have to help them" Really? This sort of thinking is really pretty arrogant when you step back and think about it.

It means you don't think that other person is capable of making decisions for themselves, or of taking care of their needs, or of making a choice that suits them at that point in time. It means that you think your way is better, and how arrogant is that?!

When we don't let those around us experience the life lessons they need to experience, we act as God, and say "You can have this, but not this." It is us choosing for another person what is right for them. Now of course there's situations where we have to behave that way, such as being a parent. Being a good parent to a child means setting boundaries, and saying no to things that may not be good for that child.

But when you get into doing this for adults, that's another matter entirely. If someone you love is choosing to take drugs or smoke or partake of behaviors that clearly don't seem to be good for them, of course, intercede and see if it is really a cry for help. But if you keep putting them in a detox center, and they keep falling off the wagon, or ending up in jail or on the streets, it's probably a signal that you need to step back and let that person experience what they're needing to experience. It is probably one of their life lessons, and by you trying to "fix it" for them, you're keeping them from the growth they came to this body to experience.

AA really has a handle on teaching those in recovery to recognize the difference here. Their whole message is about focusing on your own self-healing, and learning your own life lessons. You know the famous "Serenity Prayer":

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
                 --Reinhold Niebuhr

Really look at it, and ponder it. It is all about learning to heal yourself and to recognize those situations that trigger our "out of control healer" tendencies.

As I write this, I've given myself permission for the last three weeks to go within, and to see what needs are not being met for myself by allowing the man with Alzheimer's to come into my life. He was my mirror, reflecting back to me where I need to take care of myself. It has meant not over-committing myself to activities, giving myself permission to just take it easy without having to do anything but heal.  It has been a very difficult, but very necessary "time out" and I once again feel able to be in this world as a balanced, healthy healer, capable of helping others in a safe neutral way as I help myself.

I had a lovely client come to me recently for guidance. She was in so much pain, it was radiating out of her like heat from a fever. While she felt like she would never feel better, I assured her she would. She looked at me like I was nuts and commented that she longed to be as calm as I was. I told her she had taken the first step on her path to bringing calm and serenity back into her life and that she too would one day feel the peace I feel.

My story is no different than hundreds of others who have gone before me. Amazing people with stories of heartache, destruction, abuse, despair. Somehow, by the Grace of God, I have healed. I have survived. And now, I am on a path of thriving as I help others to find their way as well.

Like many teenagers, I felt I was invincible, powerful and capable of doing anything I set my mind to. Working my way through college, I graduated with honors and set out to explore the world, eager to taste all the treasures and treats that lay before me. I found myself in San Francisco, and fell madly in love with a man whom I can only say I thought was a genius. I was swept off my feet, and nine months later we were married.

Shortly after that, my fairytale romance started to crumble. The man was an alcoholic, and while I knew that, I was certain it wouldn't affect my life. I was that confident that I had everything under control and could handle anything that came my way that I overlooked this seemingly small detail.

The abuse started in very subtle ways. Critiquing my choices of activities and friends. Jealousy and pouting when I would make plans to spend time with friends. Making comments that left me feeling I was not good enough. My strong confidence in myself started to erode, and I found myself giving up my activities, my friends and spending all my time worrying about keeping him happy.

The first time he hit me, I was in shock and denial. It was stupid-he threw the TV remote control at me and hit me square in the face. I had bruises running from my forehead to my chin, and when friends asked about it, I laughed and told them what had happened. The second time he hit me, it was in front of my sister, standing at a bus stop on a busy street in San Francisco. He was drunk and we were arguing, and while I was hurt and angry and pissed off, I made excuses to my sister. The next day he apologized and said it would never happen again, and I believed him.

Three years into our marriage,  I knew I was in hell. I was the sole breadwinner by this time, he having lost his job, and too messed up to go find another one. My days were spent working, coming home, making dinner he wouldn't eat till the next day, afraid I might poison him, so he'd wait to see if I died from the food I ate, and being on edge constantly, wondering when the next outburst would come.

The day I decided to leave him, he called me to tell me he wasn't feeling good and could I come home from work to help him. When I got there, he was vomiting blood. I called for an ambulance and waiting by the door while they worked on him, securing him to a stretcher to move him to the hospital. He had internal bleeding brought on by an extensive amount of alcohol and drugs.

I knew by this time I no longer had control of my life but had no idea what to do. I started seeing a therapist who kept suggesting I was the one with the problem, not him. Again, denial blinded me. I wasn't the drunk. I wasn't the one who wasn't working. I was just trying to help him! I fired that therapist and tried to figure it out by myself.

When he finally got out of the hospital, a nightmarish experience of detoxing that I would never wish on my worst enemy, I set my boundaries. We were moving, getting away from all the drugs and the alcohol, and going to live someplace calmer and more quiet so we could get our marriage back on track.

A few months after the move, he started drinking again, telling me that beer was not drinking, that now he was just the same as everyone else. He was working again, and felt like having a beer to unwind from work, and in my ignorance and denial, I wanted to believe him. When the shouting, control, and name calling started again, I kept telling myself he was just adjusting to our new life. I walked around on egg-shells, never knowing when he would lose it. I started seeing a therapist again who somehow finally got through to me that I was in an abusive relationship, and that he would not change, that I was the one who had to change. A friend suggested I read Melody Beattie's book Codependent No More, and I was shocked to see myself in those mind-blowing pages. He suggested I attend an Al Anon meeting too, or at least start reading the literature, and again, I was flabbergasted to see myself reflected in those pages.

The night my husband pulled a knife on me, and threatened to slit me from navel to nose, I finally realized I was in trouble. I never told a soul, too afraid people would judge me for the mistakes I'd made in wanting to trust him. That was the first time I started praying.

I had no idea where to go, or what to do, or how to get out of the situation I was in. After months of living in fear, going to bed each night with him standing over me flicking a knife open and shut, talking about Charles Manson and how much he admired him, I was not sure I would live to even move out, but I did.

But I still was unclear about God. Being raised Catholic, I was taught alot of things that really didn't make sense to me and how I saw God. But who was I to question? So I just stopped believing, stopped having faith in a higher power that wanted good for me and watched out for me. But now, I had no where else to turn, so I started talking to God regularly, and asking for help.

I started to get an inkling my prayers might be getting answered when I had managed to secretly secure a new apartment in a town that had a .5% vacancy rate. I called my parents and told them what was going on and asked for help. They drove all night and the next morning were there when he woke up to find me packing my stuff to move.

While I would like to say this is the last time I found myself in this situation, it wasn't. Despite months of abuse therapy and healing, I ended up repeating this type of relationship with a business partner with the verbal abuse, and accompanying loss of self-confidence.

When I finally worked up the courage after six years to end the partnership, I was really aware I had a problem with owning my own power. I constantly gave away my power and my seniority to those I thought knew more than I, were cooler than I, had more of an idea of how life should go than I.

I finally knew I couldn't live like that anymore, and found courage from deep with in, as well as from the new spiritual community I was becoming involved with. And again, lots of prayers.

As my life continued to melt down, I prayed harder and harder for help, until one day, I knew I had to just let go. It was like this sudden calm in a storm. I knew I could no longer fix my life despite all my efforts. I found myself in tears on the floor begging for help to end it all. To end the pain, the suffering, the fear, the stress, the constant worry that had followed me for almost fifteen years by this point. I was done. So with financial pressure crushing the life out of me, banks suing me, and my whole business headed for the cliff, I filed for bankruptcy and just let go. I surrendered. I couldn't control it anymore, and frankly didn't want to.

And that's when the miracle happened. And the healing began. I was guided to a decent compassionate lawyer (I know!) who helped me and emotionoally supported me through the bankruptcy, which ended up going so easily and smoothly, I knew a higher power was watching over me.

I started meditating, exercising, and going to spiritual awareness classes, and now, almost 5 years later, I find myself in this place of peace and joy, wholeness and calm.

I can honestly tell my clients that they too can find their way to this place by surrendering the control, and just having faith that they can change their lives because they're willing. Finding life affirming activities like meditation, prayer, spiritual support, and faith. But most of all, having courage that while it may seem rough right now, they will feel better, happy, and even want to laugh again.

I know without a doubt, because I've been there. The path is rocky, but I know I will always come to a place where it's smooth sailing for a while. But when the rough patches come, I know how to navigate now by leaning on God/The Universe/Source, praying, letting go of control, asking for help from friends and family, and stepping out in faith. There but for the Grace of God I go.

Today is a day dedicated to love. It's Valentine's Day, a day originally set aside during The Middle Ages to celebrate St. Valentine, a martyr who died on this day.

But this blog today is not about Valentine's Day. Rather, it is to share a rather remarkable experience that happened to me last night.

The world is filled with pain, angst, upsetment and anxiety right now. If you turn on the news here in the US, you'll read about the manhunt for a disturbed soul who targeted the police department in Los Angeles with a rampage of violence and death. There's political unrest in our government as the two opposing political parties battle over public policy on gun control, the environment, the economy and the other issues facing our country, with a stalemate of wills and ego that would put a Hollywood movie to shame.

I was getting tattooed last night, and any or you who have experienced this sort of body adornment know it's incredibly painful. But the end result is always so gratifying, it's worth a few hours of pain! I was laying on the table praying for help to get through the process. I was also using the many spiritual tools I have to grounding my body, but nothing seemed to work. The sting of the tattoo machine as it cut into my skin was excruciating, and I started thinking about all the various forms of torture used over the years to force one human's will on another.

Then the strangest thing happened. A young man came into the tattoo parlour with the picture of Archangel Metatron's healing cube, which the archangel uses to rid the body of pain and grief during spiritual healing sessions. He talked to one of the other artists working about getting it tattooed on him, and then he left.

This seemingly random incident jolted through me like lightning. Of all the prayers I had been sending up asking for help, it never occurred to me to call on Archangel Metatron! So mentally, I asked him to be with me and to give me guidance of how I could help my body get through the pain of tattooing, and instantly, I heard guidance inside my mind to start humming. I was willing to try anything at that point, so I did, softly to myself, but loudly enough that I was able to focus on the sound rather than the buzz of the tattoo machine. And then Archangel Sandalphon, the archangel of music,  communicated to me that the tone of my humming was raising the vibration of my cells above the pain!! I kept humming, and when the pain became noticable, I was directed to raise the pitch of my humming, since the higher the tone that was emminating from my humming, the higher frequency my body resonated at, and eventually, I was resonating above the pain of the whole process. These two archangels, who both originally walked the earth as men many years ago, knew instantly how to help my physical body rise above the low vibration of pain.

It sounds insane as I write this, but it is totally the truth. As I mentally asked them what was causing this to happen, they explained through pictures in my mind how this type of "Sound Healing" has been used for centuries to shift places where there is alot of pain and violence, whether it is one's own body (as during torture) or a city overcome with war, or government in-fighting. That as a group of healers, we have the ability to help our earth, governments, countries, cities, and inhabitants to heal by sending out high vibrational healing tones in the direction of where ever chaos and pain are occurring. It is a form of prayer when we are too close to a situation to be neutral. Indigenous cultures have used chanting and drumming for centuries to achieve the same effect.

This made perfect sense to me. As a little child, maybe you remember hearing something that was disturbing or upsetting, like your parents fighting, or a bully teasing you. What did you do? You put your hands over your ears and you started humming or chanting to drown out the aggressive sounds assaulting your ears and body. Children instinctively know how to rise above pain by using this built in form or healing. And that makes perfect sense, because Archangel Metatron's mission is to help children of all ages (even as adults, we are still someone's child!) find healing and peace. So why wouldn't he communicate this to children?

I was told that collectively, especially on this day of love, that we could evoke healing and peace in our communities by picturing places of discord surrounded by the high-vibrating tones of humming, either to yourself, or out loud by picturing the tone being directed to whomever or wherever you want to send healing thoughts. It allows the physical environment or people involved to rise above the chaos so spiritual healing can come in.

So today, when love is in the air and on our minds, join me in sending out the healing high-vibrating toning of light and love and peace to wherever there is discord in your life, or wherever you read about it in the news, or see it on TV. Why not? It certainly can't hurt, and maybe just maybe, it will open enough of a

I had a dream last night, where a dear friend and mentor who has been dead several years now came to me. She kept showing me the pain in her back and hips, and showed me how it kept her from being able to get up out of bed.

When I woke up, I wondered about that dream. Clearly she had a message for me, but I couldn't figure it out. So I just let it go, and went about my morning routine of making coffee, listening to music and writing in my journal.

I found myself writing about the feelings of fear and competition that kept coming up as I looked at the creative successes my friends were having. On the surface I was happy for them, pleased that they were having success and validation by following their hearts and creating businesses that were fulfilling and financially successful. But as I wrote, I realized there was a deeper underlying feeling that was anything but happy; I was jealous, and a still small inner voice of a child kept saying to me "what about me?"

I come from a large family, seven kids in all. We always had plenty to eat, a roof over our heads and clothes to wear, which, while not new, were still in good shape. My mom sewed much of our clothes herself, and as a stay at home mom, made sure we had hearty nourishing meals for breakfast, lunch and dinner. There was always plenty for everyone; I never went to bed hungry, although I remember still being worried that I wouldn't get enough.

I always had someone to play with and spent much of my childhood outside riding bikes, climbing trees, picking flowers and creating imaginary worlds to travel to. I was always drawing and writing stories and expressing myself creatively in some way.

On the surface I was fully supported, nourished and loved. As I grew into adulthood, I did many amazing things, from starting a recycling program at my high school,  to becoming a full-time cook at age 18 at a field station in the Oregon desert, to graduating with honors from college while working full-time.
 
As I sat and wrote in my journal and thought about the jealousy that was swirling around in my soul, I knew absolutely that there's enough for everyone. My friend's success doesn't mean I won't be successful. Just because she's making money doesn't mean there isn't enough for me too. I burst into tears at that thought, and realized there was a small part of myself as a little girl that needed healing.

As I think back over my childhood, I remember all the times I did something I was so proud of, waiting silently for validation and approval from my parents. Maybe I got it, and maybe I didn't; I honestly don't remember. But what I do know is that now, as an adult, there is some part of me that didn't get the validation I yearned for. In the deepest recesses of my soul, I was left with this feeling that I always had to compete for attention, for recognition and validation of my worthiness. I am still waiting patiently and quietly for recognition and validation, just as in childhood.

Children do not have the emotional development necessary to give themselves validation. They look outwards to their parents, siblings, teachers and adults they trust to get their need for love, validation and worthiness met. If they do not get what they need as children, as adults they may spend their time subconsciously trying to fulfill that need by becoming narcissistic and self-serving, or they may turn inwardly abusive, striving to create something but never succeeding and always feeling they have to do better. That their next project will be the one that gets them noticed. Where in childhood did you not get your needs met? Where in adulthood are you still subconsciously striving to get those needs fulfilled?

I realize now the dream I had was a message from Pearl to look within to where there is still a bubble of unhealed pain. I remember during one of our counseling sessions she commented that she felt like crying as she saw a picture of a little girl in my aura, sitting alone on a swing, waiting for someone to come give her a push. I didn't understand the reading at the time, but now it makes perfect sense. In my dream, where she was showing me the how the pain in her body was keeping her from getting up, she was really telling me I still need to heal my little child within so I too can get up and go! The funny thing is, I've had alot of pain in my hips and lower back, but despite all the stretching I was doing, it was still there!

Pain in our hips and lower back show that we are still holding onto some emotional unbalance or wounding, and if we are holding onto feelings of unworthiness, deep within our souls, either from childhood or later, it will settle in this part of the body.

As I thought back to myself as a little girl, I still feel so much sadness for her. I want to put my arms around her and love her and tell her how special she is, how unique. We're all unique and special and loved and if you didn't get enough validation as a child you can still give it to yourself now. Heal that little child with in. That child is you.

In this time of clearing and releasing, I'm ready to heal. Dear God and angels, help me heal my child within that still craves love, validation and worthiness. All the things I've done and created are just an outward cry for love, for recognition, for approval, for validation of my worthiness. All these feelings of competition and jealousy are just the fear of a small child not getting her needs met. I am loved. I am special. I am totally unique. I am worthy. There is plenty enough for everyone.