Other times, like today, it feels all so familiar. I've been here before, struggling with the same issues, the same problems and insecurities, repeating the same process over and over and over again. Praying to God and my angels and guides for help, direction, guidance I can easily understand, but which somehow continues to elude me.
Money, weight, relationships, finding my authentic voice...these themes repeat over and over and over again. There are times I can see how far I've come. And then there are days where it feels like nothing has changed; I'm back at square one, struggling all over again as if it was the first time.
We recently learned of the suicide of actor/comedian Robin Williams at age 63. He hung himself, choosing to end his life to get out of the pain and struggle he had been in for much of his life. Despite all his worldly success as a famous Hollywood actor, lots of money, a nice house, a loving wife and kids, and millions of fans around the world, this is a man who struggled with pain and demons none of us can really understand.
In spite of all the outwards signs of a great life, he chose to exit this plane of existence. I don't know if it was in his life plan that this was how things would end. We all make a plan before we take a body on the lessons we want to work in this lifetime, and how we will leave the body when the lessons have been completed.
But we're also give "exit points" along the way, so if things go terribly wrong or we get so far off our path we have to just stop and start over again, we can make that choice. I don't know if this was one of Robin's exit point opportunities and he chose to take it, leaving the body behind so he could go back to heaven to meet with his team of guides and come up with a new plan to work his lessons, or if this was how it was all meant to end, and he did in fact work through his lessons and it was time to move on.
Maybe this was the plan he created as spirit before taking a body, to experience suicide and work that lesson of loss and survival. Maybe it was ultimately his life purpose to raise awareness of the issue of depression and suicide and how much it impacts us.
Or maybe he was done taking bodies, working his lessons here on the dense physical matter of earth, and he's graduated now to to the next higher plane where he will continue working as spirit, guiding those of us still left on earth working our own lessons. Only Robin, his guides and his Creator know for sure.
All I know for myself is I must keep going. I still have a lot left to learn and experience. I still haven't worked through my lessons. And days like today show me this. So I pray for help, I take a deep breath, and I greet the day, knowing this is part of my journey to experience doubt and frustration.