I like my eggs scrambled with cottage cheese and served with toast, or scrambled with spinach and wrapped up in a corn tortilla with hot sauce.

My boyfriend likes his eggs mixed up with milk, and then fried flat, like a pancake, until the edges turn brown and crispy.

Have you ever stopped to examine the little things you do in your life, like the food you prepare and eat, the clothing or accessories you wear, how you decorate your house, or why you use Comet to clean your sink instead of Soft Scrub?

Are all these little pieces of our lives really our own, or did we pick them up unconsciously from our parents, friends, lovers, the media? Really stop and think about it for a minute. Let's start with eggs. How do you like your eggs? Do you really like them that way, or do you just eat them that way because that's how you've always done it, or that's how your lover or kids like them?

This simple little exercise can tell you a lot about yourself. Do you really know yourself from the inside? Or are you mirroring someone else's preferences and just unconsciously adapted them as your own?

I just watched the Julia Roberts movie Runaway Bride. The story is about a woman who has found herself walking down the isle towards marriage with three very different men, and with each partner, she's adjusted her life to fit theirs, including the music she listens to and the way she eats her eggs. But just before she reaches the alter, she bolts from her own wedding, running for her life, some deep instinct waking up in her at the last minute. She finally hears her authentic voice as she runs for the hills.

Choosing to live authentically by my own light has been a journey of epic proportions. Starting back in 2009 when I filed for bankruptcy, it was the first step in clearing out all the garbage I'd accumulated mentally and emotionally, not to mention physically.

Painful, upsetting, unbalancing, declaring bankruptcy ripped away all thought I knew about myself. It was the tsunami of clearing and letting go, taking me to my knees in surrender. I no longer knew who I was or where I was going, what my truth was. For so long I had lived by other peoples' light, by their ideas of who I was and what I was supposed to do and be and say and act. And I was great at it. I played the part so perfectly I no longer could see I had lost my way and stopped following my heart. I had lost all sense of my authentic self. I had to clear it all away before I could start bringing the pieces of my life back together again.

It's like when one suspects one is allergic to something, but you don't know what. You have to clear all suspected allergens from your life and one by one, reintroduce them to see what is triggering the allergic reaction.

Being this conscious of how your body reacts is the most important part of healing and recovering your authentic voice. You must pay attention to every little nuance and ask yourself whether it feels good or not!!

Because of this conscious awareness, when you reintroduce something that doesn't feel good, you can choose to no longer eat that food or engage in that behavior,and so through this process navigate through all the programming from childhood. You begin to recognize you've been doing an activity because it makes someone else happy, keeps the peace, or avoids conflict.

It feels much more fun and playful to live by your authentic light. So what if I'm a punk rocker who likes to listen to Windham Hill new age music? That is part of me but I covered it up because it was met with judgement by the circles of people I was trying to fit in with.

As I approach my 50th birthday, I truly desire to live life by my own light; enjoying the experiences that touch my soul and enhance my life. I practice speaking my truth now with kindness and love directed towards myself, so I feel safe when what I want doesn't mesh with someone else's agenda.

Trust me, everyone has an agenda. We're human, and we're going to get our needs met one way or the other. The path to happiness is to become aware of that fact, and then act accordingly. Do your wants, needs, and likes get the same attention as you give to your loved ones? If not, speak up!

If it doesn't feel safe to speak your truth and shine your own light, maybe that's the answer to your prayers. Maybe that's how you're being guided to change the circumstances; to leave that job, talk honestly with your partner, boss or family, or take the risk of following your heart and studying literature instead of science. Become clear about who you are and what you like and life will open up. I guarantee it! After all, I am living proof!

I'm a procrastinator. There, I said it. I own it. I put off doing things time and time again, and lately, it's started to get to me. I find myself wandering around distracted and not accomplishing much, and at the end of the day, beating myself up because of it.

I finally decided I was going to do something about it, and what I came up with was so insanely simple, but so validating, I'm excited to share it.

I made a list. At the beginning of the day, as I was having my coffee and writing in my journal, I decided to write down the tasks as they popped into my mind. It was like taking a butterfly net and capturing those flitting little creatures as they floated around in my head.

I started very small at first, just 4 items. I told myself if I could just accomplish 4 things today, I would be happy. And I did it! Which gave me the courage to add a few more things to my list, until yesterday, I had 15 things on my list and I accomplished all of them except 2 items!!

At the end of the day instead of feeling frustrated, invalidated and totally hopeless, I felt empowered, encouraged and completely validated. I had something to show for my day with an entire list of crossed off activities and tasks!

Every minute of each beautiful day is a gift to have and to spend. But those of us who get easily distracted and procrastinate waste those precious minutes. It's like throwing handfuls of change down a storm drain. The time is just gone, and you can never get that it back.

It led me to wonder about my tendency to procrastinate. There were days when I would move the same item from one list to another, sometimes for weeks, never accomplishing it, never crossing it off. And I started to wonder what was blocking me from taking that particular step. What energy was stopping me? As I sat praying and meditating one day, I asked my higher self that question, and instantly got the word FEAR in my head. So I sat and looked at that with my spiritual sight and asked the word, what are you trying to tell me? How is fear stopping me from taking action on those one or two items that I keep putting off doing?

Why am I afraid to take action? Using my spiritual sight of clairvoyance I sat and looked at it, really looked at it, and I kept mentally asking it to show me what it meant: "Hello, why am I having trouble getting this task done, and how is fear stopping me?" I saw a staircase leading down into a cellar: it was as deeper reason, one that came from deeper within my subconscius, "I don't know how" and "The task is too big, it's too overwhelming". I keep saying hello to it, and finally I was led to the sense of perfectionism, "What if I do it wrong? "What if I change my mind?" and finally, "What if someone yells at me"? It was a tiny hidden voice of me as a small child, stuck in fear and perfectionism that I might get in trouble or someone might not like what I've done and be mad at me.

Which all led to the deepest hidden truth and fear, "I'm not good enough". Unworthiness. Being unlovable. The frightened small voice of a child afraid of not being loved was buried beneath all that procrastination and fear.

As I unraveled the threads behind my procrastination, I was able to see my next best action was to love myself exactly as who I am right now, and to give myself validation and encouragement. To send some love to that small frighted girl buried deep with in. Telling her she is safe and loved, just exactly as she is.

Little by little, I could feel my body start to relax, and and I became willing to go ahead and start working on the task I've been avoiding all this time.

It felt really good and the validation and sense of accomplishment filled my soul and I was no longer stuck and no longer looking for things to distract me like the television or food.

It's funny that so many of our actions are triggered by such buried unconscious feelings and fears stemming back from childhood experiences.

Until I wrote down this pathway and these steps these answers were blocked from my spiritual sight, only being revealed as I sat patiently and looking at the energy asking the hard questions. But as I followed each layer down and discovered the true root of the problem I knew what I discovered to be true in the deepest part of my soul.

I came back up from that deep dark cellar filled with lurking monsters and cobwebs and brought that small frightened child into the light, the love and the truth and validation that awaited me when I go about my day consciously, purposefully, with prayer and intention to validate myself and validate how I have spent each hour of my precious day.

I laugh that something so simply as a list has been able to help me see the pitfalls of distraction, unconsciousness and procrastination, but I'm so grateful for this new tool and this new awareness.

I invite you to try it yourself and be willing to ask the hard questions.

I was talking with my good friend Helena Mazzariello, owner of Spirit In Joy, the other day, and the topic of Toxic Loyalty kept coming up.

I had never heard it termed in quite that way, but as we talked, I realized I was guilty of spreading Toxic Loyalty all over my life! And by extension, all over the lives of people I loved too!

What is it? Toxic Loyalty is very hard to spot, primarily because as a society, specifically us women, we are taught to be there for others no matter what. It's a shining star on our chest that we're a good person, that we're worthy of being liked or loved. Loyalty to our jobs, our bosses, our friends, lovers and family is a very admirable trait. However, when it becomes toxic, it is damaging both to ourselves and those we're trying to "help."

You'll know your loyalty has become toxic when you start to resent the very situation or person you're being loyal to. For me, it was scattered all over my life, in every aspect of what I do and how I behave. Feeling loyal to my business, Gearhead, and all the bands and people I worked with, I almost killed myself trying to be there for everyone, and trying to do the things they wanted me to do. I saw I used that martyr mentality as a way of proving my worthiness to those around me, and to myself, as a way of proving I was worth liking, and of being loved.

Instead of just saying no, I got myself in deeper and deeper, until I hated the people I was working with, and the projects I was spending so much time and money trying to create.

In my volunteer projects, I saw too that I was allowing toxic loyalty to dictate what I kept doing for free. Giving my time and energy away to help organizations, like one's church or school, is a valuable part of being in service to others. However, when it feels like those organizations or institutions are sucking you dry, and you no longer feel the joy of helping, it's time to step back and take a look at how you're valuing yourself and your time.

Where has unbalance set in, and where are you no longer honoring your self worth by setting boundaries? I have been feeling tremendously guilty because some gardens I was volunteering to take care of were taking so much time and energy, I was starting to resent the commitment I had made. What used to be fun for me, and give me tremendous pleasure as I transformed sick unloved property into a thing of beauty became another chore, another list of things I HAD to do because I had promised I would do it. I had given my word, and I was gonna stick to it no matter what.

I started finding excuses not to go work on the gardens because there no longer was a balance there in what I was doing. I was no longer getting back as much as I was giving out, a sure sign that my loyalty had grown toxic.

I was simply going because I had promised I would. The purpose had been served, but instead of ending my service consciously and with truth and honor, I went into hiding and avoidance of the situation, hoping it would go away, but guilt was eating away at the back of my mind.

Where is toxic loyalty affecting your life? Are you doing a job that you feel you're not being paid well enough for? There was a time that it was worth it, and you were grateful for the opportunity, but has that changed? Do you feel now you're giving more than you're getting? This is the ongoing dance of human relations and balance. When we no longer feel we're getting out of a situation as much as we're putting in, it's time to examine your motives and determine whether you need to speak up, and ask for more because you know you're worth it, or maybe it's time to end your commitment to that project or person.

Toxic loyalty can also affect our personal relationships. I had a friendship where I was constantly helping and coaching a friend who had drama after drama in her life. And I was happy to do it, because I loved her and valued her friendship and our time together. But after a few years of this, I started to feel I was getting the short end of the stick. Whenever I had a problem, she was never there for me, and I was starting to resent that. I finally said something to her; I told her I loved our friendship, but felt it was time to balance my giving with a bit more receiving from her as far as support went. I felt I was worth that, and so was our friendship.

Well, she got so angry at me, and shouted at me how dare I say she wasn't supportive. Instead of having a discussion, she became angry and abusive, and chose to end our friendship right there and then. That was the last time I ever talked to her, not by my choice, but through how my words were received. It's not my problem how she received it, and I can't change that. I don't regret being honest and saying I needed more out of the relationship. It came from a sincere place of love and grace.

When that relationship ended, I felt a deep sadness, but also a lightness in my body. I was no longer responsible for propping someone else up, simply because she was my friend. That toxic friendship ended probably much later than it should have and on a much more dramatic level than had I simply noticed the resentment building in my soul earlier and spoken up.

I chose to ignore it because we are not taught to speak up and bring attention to our worthiness, our value, of being paid well or treated fairly.

This is an ongoing lesson in my life, and clearly one I am still working on. But I am doing better about speaking up before the resentment is really bubbling. I now ask my romantic partner for help around the house, instead of seething that he doesn't notice the dishes need to be loaded into the dishwasher, or the floor needs to be swept.

In my career I was able to voice that I was worth more than I was getting paid, and while that has changed in one circumstance, it's being considered in the second. I'm ok with that. I spoke up, and asked for more, because I'm worth it. And in my volunteer work, I am now stepping back and examining where I can truly give my time and energy in a way that honors my needs as well as those that I am volunteering to help.

If resentment starts to creep back in, I know I'm doing too much and undervaluing my worth by giving away too much. It's a constant balancing act, but now that I'm much more aware of my tendency towards Toxic Loyalty, it's much easier for me to step back and re-set my boundaries.

Lesson for Today: Notice where Toxic Loyalty may be affecting your life, your relationships, your career space, or your activities, and be willing to consider that maybe you're undervaluing yourself, and it's time to speak up.

Spring time is in the air, and the desire to throw open the windows and bring in delicious flower-scented air and sunlight into my home floods through me.

There's a reason why Spring Cleaning has been a tradition for hundreds of years. After a cramped dark winter, energy gets trapped in your home, and can become suffocating for people sensitive to toxic energy build up. This happens normally to everyone, although some of us may not be aware that clutter building up in your home is a sign of toxic clutter building up in your soul as well.

So it is with renewed energy and conviction that I set about trying to discover the source of the clutter in my home. The picture above is my kitchen counter after a two trips through of throwing stuff away! Yikes!! And my whole house isn't much better. There is stuff, and piles and junk everywhere, and the frustration I've been feeling trying to deal with it finally exploded this morning as I decided I was getting to the bottom of what was going on!

As The Rolling Stones sing, "I can't get no Satisfaction, no no no!" Can't you just hear the frustration pouring out of Mick's big pouty lips? I can relate, let me tell you!!

So I sat down to pray and go inside to see what was going on. I discovered a world of emotional clutter deep within my heart charkra (the area right in the center of your chest) and my 3rd chakra, the center of one's personal power, located at your solar plexis. I've been having trouble breathing these last couple of weeks and also have been waking up scratching around my 3rd and 4th chakras. The itching has been so intense i wanted to scream, but nothing I did made it stop. It was a deep internal, beneath the skin type of itching.

As I looked with in, I could see the cluttery build up of smokey-black-gray energy all around these chakras, and realized I was carrying around so much toxic emotion, it was literally suffocating me from the inside out.

It's no wonder that my home felt like a disaster area! One of the Spiritual Laws of Attraction is, "As Within, So Without". If you're a mess on the inside, chances are your physical surroundings are going to reflect that back to you with piles of clutter and junk everywhere, that, no matter how many times you try to get rid of it, it just seems to come back.

I saw where so much pain and unworthiness and self-loathing had bubbled up in my 3rd and 4th chakras. I've regularly been giving my power away unconsciously to those I felt were better than me on some level. And self-love? I had none.... it was depleted as I ran myself ragged these last few months trying to give outwardly to others what I so desperately needed to give myself: some love and tenderness and compassion.

I've been unable to make decisions about where I wanted to go and what I wanted to do with my life for a while now, and it was finally catching up with me. That state of being in a holding pattern meant nothing could come in, and nothing could go out. I was so paralyzed by fear and indecision, that I sat stewing in all that toxic indecision until my body and my physical surroundings started to reflect my emotional state.

Have you been trying to lose weight, but not making any progress at all? I certainly have. Carrying around twenty extra pounds feels like hell, but because I was carrying around all this toxic emotional baggage of unworthiness and undeservingness, my body held onto that weight for dear life, reflecting the emotional clutter, heaviness and turmoil I was feeling to the outside world.

I could see the damage for myself; hanging onto toxic anger, blame, hate, competition, unworthiness and fear not only build up in one's energetic and spiritual body, but also in one's physical space, in one's home.

Look around you. If you see piles of clutter that seem to never dissipate despite diligently throwing things away, recycling and donating, take this as a clue. Look within. What are you hanging onto emotionally? Where are you stuck, and not making a decision? What toxic energy is building up within your chakras that you are ignoring, hoping it will go away? Are you holding onto blame? A Victim mentality? Anger? Unworthiness?

Be gentle with yourself. Close your eyes and send a prayer out to The Universe for help finding the source of your physical clutter and excess weight (if that's one of your issues). Notice what you notice. It may come to you as a picture in your head, as a gentle whisper inside your brain, or as a knowing....what hurt or anger or fear are you holding onto that you haven't been able to deal with?

Do some emotional spring cleaning by writing down those insights, and then go outside and burn them to released them from your auric field. Be kind to yourself afterwards, maybe taking a bath, or a walk, or buying yourself some flowers. And just notice how your outside world starts to shift in reflection of this inner healing.

Then when you feel you have the energy, tackle one small pile of clutter with the intention, "As Within, So Without" and know that pile of clutter will never come back again. Congratulations!! Enjoy the fresh air!!

Being honest with ourselves is probably one of the hardest things for humans. There's always reasons and excuses about why we can't move forward, why we are stuck, why we can't do and achieve the things we long to do.

But the truth is, we create those limits for ourselves. I often hear clients say, "I'd do this BUT, I don't have enough time, money, help, experience...".Blah blah blah....insert whatever excuse you want here. But the truth really is that you've created a block to not take a step forward. No one else does that to you, you do it to yourself. You have no one else to blame but yourself for the place you're at right now.

Now I'm not trying to be mean here or judge you or critique you. I'm simply stating a fact. And I know this because I do it to myself all the time, but am only just now starting to see the repercussions in my own life. 

I discovered this quite by accident. I've been doing alot of work on getting honest with myself about my self-made limiting beliefs of what I can and can't do. I've really worked hard to be truthful with myself about where I place limits on what I can have and create in my life. I have been stuck in this cycle of lack for a long long time, but every time I think I've finally healed, and moved past it, something would smack me upside the head, and I'd be right back in that limiting place: I'm not good enough, I'm not smart enough, I'm not creative enough, my boyfriend and family won't let me do this, I don't have enough experience, education, resources....blah blah blah! ARRRGGGHHHH!!!! When will it stop!? I'm so done with these limiting beliefs! I want to shine and thrive!!

Recently, some friends hired me to redesign their backyard for them. I'm thrilled-it's exactly the type of garden work I love! They want a backyard that is filled with native, water-wise plants that attract birds, butterflies, beneficial insects, hummingbirds and all God's wonderful creatures. This is the sort of gardening that I wish everyone would do! Of course I told them yes, I can help them. I went to their garden to  see what I had to work with, and I was so excited. There was so much potential there, once the overgrown foliage had been cleared out!

 I didn't have to do the work; they already had someone to do the labor.
All I had to do was come up with the design and plant list! However, I could feel the fear start to creep in as I spoke with them, and I started looking at all the excuses that were popping up in my mind about why I shouldn't take this job: I never got my landscape architect degree, I don't have the experience or skills to create what they want, I don't have the resources to put in the hard-scape, it's gonna be really expensive and maybe they won't have the budget to pull off this job....blah blah blah! I could see they were starting to get frustrated with me, and I was starting to get frustrated with myself.

I left their house petrified out of my mind. Oh my God, I can't do this! What was I thinking!!?? This is an enormous job, and there's no way I can pull this off. I better call and tell them to find someone else....wham! There were those limits and excuses, again, hitting me square in the face.

I was so tired when I got home, all I could do was go sit in a sea-salt bath and pray for guidance. I could see the limits in my space, but wasn't sure how to move past them. I went to bed and decided I'd look at these pictures again when I woke up.

I woke up with an answer about what was going on. Yes, I had done a tremendous amount of work, clearing my own fears, limits and insecurities. But because I was so used to limiting myself, I put my pictures of lack and limit in the energetic fields of the people around me. So that when I started to move past my own limits, I'd bump into them again, reflected back to me from the people I loved! Those weren't their beliefs, those were mine!! And so the cycle would start over again. Of course I could never get away from these limits because I was constantly bumping into them outside of my space, thinking they were what other people thought of me and my skills, when in fact it was my own beliefs. I created my own prison.

Are you starting to get the picture here? We create our own self-fulfilling experiences of failure and lack by unconsciously giving other people the power, thinking it's their judgements when in fact, it's really our own, put outside of our consciousness, to reflect back to us when we start to move beyond our comfort zone of what we think we can have or do or be.

We assume our loved ones won't let us fly, when the truth is, it's our own fears and insecurities limiting us. We simply don't own it for ourselves because that kind of truth is pretty hard to swallow.

Think back on the last time you really just went for it and didn't worry about what you thought you could do, or not do. When you totally trusted yourself and your inner knowing. For me, there's two distinct time periods that pop into my mind: when I was 11 and when I was 18.

At 11 years old, I was a strange kid. I admit it! I totally marched to the beat of my own drummer and didn't think twice about what anyone else around me thought or did. I fully listened to my inner voice and followed my creative ideals. I was obsessed with the Little House on the Prairie
books, and got my mom to make me a pinafore and sunbonnet set, which I wore to school all the time. I still remember my teacher, Mr. Ricci, looking at me like I was nuts, but I was so certain about what I wanted to do, I didn't worry about it. I took my sunbonnet off, and hung it up on the hook every day, just like Laura Ingalls Wilder. I remember my mom and brothers and sisters begging me to not wear that stupid sunbonnet everywhere I went, but I didn't listen to them. It made me happy and that was all that mattered! Eventually, I grew out of that phase, but I still remember how much pleasure it brought me to totally trust myself and what I wanted and to do it with totally faith and confidence!

When I was 18, it was a very similar thing. I had some deep strong inner knowing that I was powerful beyond belief, and I could make a difference in the world. I started a recycling program at the high school (this was way before it was an accepted thing) and put recycle boxes I had made in every class room. I went around once a week and collected the recycling and regularly shared with students and teachers what could and could not be put in those boxes! People thought I was nuts, but they humored me and started recycling.

I became vegetarian, long before it was an accepted practice, and of course my family and friends were stunned and totally didn't understand me at all! But it didn't matter, I knew it was what I needed to do for myself, and I didn't cave into the pressure around me. Eventually I stopped being vegetarian, guided by my body as to what I needed, and I didn't question it. I entered college that fall and took graduate level classes because they interested me, not caring that my advisor said the classes were too advanced for me. I excelled at them because it was what I wanted to do! That summer, I became the head dinner cook at a field station in Eastern Oregon, Malheur Field Station, planning all the menus, doing all the shopping and doing all the cooking, sometimes for up to 200 people. It never occurred to me I couldn't do it. I had such a strong inner knowing and confidence I just figured it out and I loved it!

I don't know why that confidence went away, why I started limiting myself and my abilities. It doesn't really matter. It's taken me 30 years to finally realize that I've created this prison of limiting beliefs for myself by expecting eveyone around me to hold those same limiting beliefs. And now that I've finally gotten to the truth for myself, I am ready to move past these excuses and step into my power.

Yes, I am fully capable of creating miracles and joy and abundance and wonderful new opportunities to grow and expand my life. I own the truth that I created the excuses to limit myself, and now I'm owning that I can destroy those limits. I'm ready to fly high. And so can you.