I knew I still had some old stuff to let go, but I was certain a few months at the beginning of the year would be all I needed to finish the clearing process I had started in 2011. If I knew then what i know now, I never would have had the courage to take that first step at the beginning of the year!
Today is a full moon, the last one of the 2012. A full moon is the time to look at what you want to release from your life: old thoughts, feelings, patterns, behaviors, possessions, relationships, self-perceptions etc. And what better time to do that than at the end of a year?
When I started 2012, I knew I would be making some big changes in my life. I had just moved in with my boyfriend, and left my home where I had lived for twelve years after the dissolution of my marriage. I knew I needed to move my office so my work space was more convenient for me. I really thought it would simply be a matter of finding an office closer to my new home, moving stuff, setting up and going back to business as usual in my new work space. LOL!! How wrong I was!
In February, I decided to move my workspace into my new home because none of the offices I looked at were quite right. Right after my birthday in February, I began the process of packing, clearing and moving.
And thus began the most intense transition of my life! Yes, I had already gone through some pretty gnarly transitions, but holy moly, this one topped them all.
Creation begins from destruction, and destruction gives rise to new creations. You see this in nature all the time; a wildfire destroys a forest, but new baby plants start to emerge shortly after. Buildings collapse due to earthquakes, communities are uprooted from floods, but then there is space to create something new, something better and communities create a new sense of empowerment by rebuilding. Our lives are no different.
I had so much stuff to move that I had been dragging around for the last twelve years of being in business, I felt overwhelmed and scared. And then it hit me; I could destroy some of this stuff and get it out of my life and it could be cathartic as well! I own a record company, and much of the stuff I had to move was old CDs that no one wanted anymore. There was no way to donate them, so I decided to SMASH them! As I started banging away at them with a sledge hammer, pieces flying everywhere, so much hurt and anger and sadness came boiling up from deep inside of me, and I cried like a baby, releasing all that pain and hurt that had been trapped in my body, connected to these CDs!
I smashed stuff until I felt relief. And then I proceed to pack up and move what was left, which was still alot! After I had moved everything, I began the long process of setting up my new workspace in my home, but there was still so much stuff weighing me down, I had trouble concentrating. I was tired of my old life, tired of doing things the same way. I was also tired of all that old inventory that weighed on my mind. I had to rent a storage space to put everything, and it just seemed to drain my energy trying to figure out what I was gonna do with it all.
At the same time, I had a lot of personal collectibles from my twenty-five plus years in the music industry to deal with; rare posters, records, stickers, and other momentos. I knew until I really started to release my need to hang onto that stuff, I would continue to feel stuck and "trapped" by my old life.
So yet again, I gathered up my courage to go through this, and prayed for guidance and help. I realized I was hanging on to these items because it represented who i thought I was, and who I thought I wanted to be; a cool hip chick with lots of reminders of how cool I was.
I started to take pictures and list the posters up on eBay, but I was overwhelmed with fatigue, sadness, fear, guilt and worry, and again I realized these emotions had been trapped in my body; as I chose to let go of these physical reminders of my painful past, those trapped feelings were flooding to the surface to be released! I finally ended up hiring someone to help me because I knew I would never get through it by myself. But once it was done, I felt such a flood of relief, and also a surge of new energy!
I was no longer trapped by the past; I now had space and the freedom both emotionally and physically to create a new life for myself. As I look back at 2012, this entire year has been about facing my past with courage, and fearlessly deciding I am no longer willing to be trapped by old beliefs of who I am, or who I thought I was. It's been tremendously difficult to do this, and its not over. I am still finding pockets of old stuff to release (old thoughts, beliefs, feelings, clothing, kitchen appliances--you name it, I'm going through it)!
As this year draws to an end, take advantage of the energy of tonight's full moon to help you release what is no longer working for you in present time. You'll know what that is just by giving yourself some time to get quiet, close your eyes, and ask your higher self "what am I ready to release?" You may get a picture in your mind, a feeling, a thought, or some strong knowing what you're ready to let go of. Trust whatever comes up!
If this is not something that you can physically destroy, donate or recycle, like old emotions or beliefs, write it down on a piece of paper. When it's dark, and you can see the moon rising, take that piece of paper and put it in a metal pail, and either fill it with water, or light it on fire. You are invoking the energy of the universe and the full moon to help you release what is no longer working by either "drowning" or burning what ever it is you are choosing to release.
You are making room for something new to come into your life energetically, physically or emotionally. You can do this as many times as you'd like, just trust yourself to know what you're finished with and keep going until you feel done. You can also ask Rhiannon, the Celtic Moon Goddess of rebirth and transformation to help you make room for your new creations, thoughts or beliefs.
Have fun with this ancient ritual of release. You are making room for positive new changes to come into your life! Many blessings on your journey to creating more room for yourself in the new year!